Monday, August 1, 2011

Let me give you the low down:

I don't want to go back to real life. In fact, if I could completely avoid it I would do so whole heartedly. And in a way I am avoiding real life. And that feels amazing. I'm not going back to school. I'm not going to force myself to be friends with people who I don't want to be. I'm not going to limit myself by telling myself if I don't do this my life won't be as full. Being an introvert is completely okay. And I plan on embracing that.

I miss being whoever I wanted to be. The hardest thing was knowing that upon coming home things would be exactly the same. The same people. The same situations. The same everything. And the only way I can even comprehend dealing with it is distancing myself from it as much as possible. I just want to get away from all of it. And then sometimes I wonder if I'm just running away from my problems..but I try to tell myself that I'm not. I have exhausted all of my other resources. And I am so happy to not be going back to public school. That maybe I can remain myself, and remain whoever I want to be. 

And maybe through all of this I can stay with all of the amazing people I met. All of the people who seem to deal with all of the same things I do. I think the best thing in the world would be for all of us to go to one school; that would certainly be the most amazing thing that could possibly happen. Then none of us would have to deal with any of it. 

I guess I just miss camp is all. But camp meant something so much more to me. It was people knowing me with no preconceived notions. It was getting away from all of the baggage that home comes with. It was making the best friend I will probably ever have {seeing how all of my past best friendships have gone}. It was meeting people who I could relate to; whose two priories, church and theater, were the same as mine. It was learning and growing so much in so many different parts of my life. 

I guess the most important part of it all for me was that I don't have to be alone. That maybe I have to be while I am here. But out there somewhere there are people who see me, and value me not just for being quirky, or dressing uniquely, or anything temporal; but who value my divine worth. Who value me. And understand, and relate, and even through all of the deep stuff we still enjoy the same goofy temporal things like Gilmore Girls, or Invader Zim, or Flight of the Concords. And to any of you who are reading this: don't think I'm going to give you up without a fight:)

I never want to go back into the "real world". I loved where I was in my life for those two weeks too much to do that to myself again. 

I haven't had a good rant like this in a long time. 

I'm k-ra-zy for you!

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