Written April 29, 2012:

"I've come to hate 'this too shall pass' just as much as 'you choose to be happy' because as long as my heart beats depression will be somewhere inside of me hiding." 

Supposed.

The path was

supposed 

to be followed.

Maybe a little meandering for some ripe berries

or a daisy or two.

But the path was a path of brilliancy.

It curved through delicate timbers

and rapid rivers

and had such spectacular views 

it was impossible to imagine 

if the path ever ended

and if it did

or did not

how much more spectacular it should be

around the bends. 

But one day she looked down and there wasn't a path. 

She couldn't remember straying.

She couldn't remember being distracted.

She couldn't remember being absent minded. 

She just suddenly

wasn't 

on 

it. 

So she stopped. 

Because that's what you're 

supposed 

to do

when you get lost. 

Within me a lunatic sings.

When does it become redundant to say that "things have just been hard for me lately"? After about 3 years? What about "there's been a lot going on recently"?



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I've been waiting, pacing along the halls ever since you left here.

It's true. I do write in books.




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She came to my show just to hear about my day.

So, I have been neglecting (and anyone who read this blog has heard this a billion times) my blogging duties. And more importantly my photography duties. Because in order to keep up with my Project 365 blog I have had to slack on posting on this blog. And even before that once I started sketching more regularly it took over my photography time and therefore this blog was eaten up by mostly sketch posts. I have also been slacking on detailed editing of my photos. I admit that I have been just automatic fixing my photos. But I have repented of my sins, and have gotten back into the swing of manually editing my photos. And I'm so glad to be back!



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And we don't care about the young folks.

I've had this song (Fix You by Coldplay) stuck in my head for a long while. I had to let it out of there. This sketch is done entirely in Sharpie Pen. And it was a terrible journey to try and find my blue one, which I remembered after starting the sketch had been lost since forever. But I knew I had it, and it had to be somewhere in my room or Narnia. Alas! I found it. But after I did all the decorations on the words. So I did a cool double exposure effect.




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There are angels in your angles.

It occurred to me one day that I wanted to be the kind of old person who wears sweaters. The kind of sweaters that make people stop and go, "Wow, there's a good lookin' sweater." And then maybe we could start a sweater clan. And influence the younger generations with our crazy good looks and classy sweaters. I don't know, there's just something about a good sweater that says, "I have a warm heart, also, a warm torso."




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There's no people like show people

"Awko taco."

"NO, TOPAZ, NO!!"

She's so great!:D

"Look over there, something more interesting than the blood running down my knees."

"We slept through dinner, we're going to be so hungry."
"We have poptarts and captain crunch.."

"You can come meet all my friends! Both of them!!"

"I'm the Lamanites and you're the Nephites. And this is the part of the Book of Mormon where the Lamanites kill all the Nephites."

"It's a goose that's actually a dinosaur. It eats humans and poops out zombies."







♥ 

Let me give you the low down:

I don't want to go back to real life. In fact, if I could completely avoid it I would do so whole heartedly. And in a way I am avoiding real life. And that feels amazing. I'm not going back to school. I'm not going to force myself to be friends with people who I don't want to be. I'm not going to limit myself by telling myself if I don't do this my life won't be as full. Being an introvert is completely okay. And I plan on embracing that.

I miss being whoever I wanted to be. The hardest thing was knowing that upon coming home things would be exactly the same. The same people. The same situations. The same everything. And the only way I can even comprehend dealing with it is distancing myself from it as much as possible. I just want to get away from all of it. And then sometimes I wonder if I'm just running away from my problems..but I try to tell myself that I'm not. I have exhausted all of my other resources. And I am so happy to not be going back to public school. That maybe I can remain myself, and remain whoever I want to be. 

And maybe through all of this I can stay with all of the amazing people I met. All of the people who seem to deal with all of the same things I do. I think the best thing in the world would be for all of us to go to one school; that would certainly be the most amazing thing that could possibly happen. Then none of us would have to deal with any of it. 

I guess I just miss camp is all. But camp meant something so much more to me. It was people knowing me with no preconceived notions. It was getting away from all of the baggage that home comes with. It was making the best friend I will probably ever have {seeing how all of my past best friendships have gone}. It was meeting people who I could relate to; whose two priories, church and theater, were the same as mine. It was learning and growing so much in so many different parts of my life. 

I guess the most important part of it all for me was that I don't have to be alone. That maybe I have to be while I am here. But out there somewhere there are people who see me, and value me not just for being quirky, or dressing uniquely, or anything temporal; but who value my divine worth. Who value me. And understand, and relate, and even through all of the deep stuff we still enjoy the same goofy temporal things like Gilmore Girls, or Invader Zim, or Flight of the Concords. And to any of you who are reading this: don't think I'm going to give you up without a fight:)

I never want to go back into the "real world". I loved where I was in my life for those two weeks too much to do that to myself again. 

I haven't had a good rant like this in a long time. 

I'm k-ra-zy for you!

♥

You're truly, truly scrumptious

So I got to thinking the other day how humans have attraction all wrong. And that in the wild it's the male bird who is pretty and shows off for the girl. I thought that sounded like an excellent practice for humans to take up, because personally I'm a little sick of make up and always looking pretty. So.. I decided that boys should do little songs and dances for girls they like and wear outlandish clothing. That's the girl way to a girl's heart.




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Project 365

So, I decided to start a project 365 blog, and what better day to do it than on my birthday? I will still be keeping up with this blog for the photography, writing, and sketches. It's called Daily Love Letters, and I am quite excited for it:)




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Oh, brother.

My brother, Thane, on being awesome:


I have spent a considerable amount of time and energy over the last few years becoming the person that I wanted to be. To a large degree, the person that I am today is a result of that time and effort. I'm not talking about "life decisions" and consequences of those decisions. I'm talking about deciding who to be and going and being that person.

Life is about living. It's about being.

Though, you should be warned. At the end of the day, if you succeed in being who you wanted to become, you will have become something bigger than yourself. Like Bruce Wayne, you run the risk of becoming consumed by your identity. And, you can't turn back. The moment Bruce Wayne became Batman, Bruce Wayne was lost forever. In Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, when Alice found her "muchiness" she acquired something that could never be lost.

When you become somebody, you run the risk of becoming "awesome." And, when you become awesome, you will have alienated yourself from everybody around you. You will have alienated yourself from the reality to which they belong.

You will, inevitably, become more alone than you have ever been. All because you decided to be somebody, and actually succeeded.



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Set your sights destroy this partyline.

(I just about died when I got some of the red paint on her face.)

Sometimes people put their priorities in silly places. And I am so sick of being the bad guy.  

I just wish it would go away.



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This fire grows higher.

I'm really bad about writing real blog posts. "Real". I'm debating whether I think this is a "real" problem enough to do anything about it. Eh, maybe later.



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"they"

I often think about how whenever we want something that we know is unattainable or pure lazy silliness we blame the omnipotent "They" for our discomfort and inconveniences. It's a strange phenomena which I realized is hard to sum up in a single sentence for a sketch.. I figured that for most of us when we decide that They should do something about something or another we picture just a great American industry of endless technology and power. I thought a business suit and neat hair cut were quite fitting for this. 



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much love;

Wow, it's been a while since I Much Love Mondayed. I realized I wanted to blog today then was looking at the ones I follow and the thought of it occurred to me. I actually had to check to make sure it was indeed Monday. Things have been..silly lately. But I suppose things are always silly. Wow, that really sucks. Anyways, that's the reason for my lame posting. I'll try to write more on my posts on those rare occasions when I do post. Remaining positive right now sounds like a good idea. *deep breath* ..so here we go.


Loving: Sambaing ♥ Chitty Chitty Bang Bang ♥ Water For Elephants (The Book, Not The Movie. Don't See The Movie) ♥ Having The Sun Out Long Enough To Get A Burn ♥ Girls Named Kaylynn ♥ Concert Choir ♥ What About Bob ♥ Gill, My Betta Fish ♥ Named After Gill The Goldfish In What About Bob ♥ Being Honest ♥ The Anticipation Of Death Cab's New CD ♥ Vegetable Pizza ♥ Being Alone In Public Places ♥ Reading A Lot ♥ Writing In Margins ♥ Planning My Future To A Tee ♥ The Music From Crazy For You ♥ The Fact That This Tab/Window Has Crashed/Been Closed Twice Now Is Not Stopping Me From Writing It ♥ Leaving School Early ♥ Theater Performances Vs. Prom ♥ Thinking About Painting ♥ The Clammy Hands Club ♥ Play Dates ♥ Getting Lost ♥ Programing Radio Stations ♥ Pure Irony ♥ Trying To Find The Chocolate Jelly Bean ♥ Cleaning ♥ Hail At Four In The Morning ♥ The Squishy Red Folding Chairs At Church ♥ Real Jelly Beans, Not Easter Jelly Beans ♥ French Snakes With Itty Bitty Mustaches Named Pierre ♥ Other Snakes Named Guadalupe And Princess Beyonce ♥ Bonfire Bonding ♥ Thinking About Summer ♥ Jeans That Have Never Felt Good Before ♥ 





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I came along, I wrote a song for you.

This is like much love Monday on steroids.

loving: blustery days in the hundred acre wood ♥ new schedules and classes ♥ minty gum ♥ Asian tea ♥ orange blossom honey ♥ late night texting ♥ oodles of sweaters ♥ classic bangs ♥ paper hearts ♥ glitter and things in the like ♥ old photography ♥ eating pants ♥ white headphones ♥ cough drops ♥ long socks ♥ braiding hair ♥ plastic clips ♥ not pretending ♥ soup du jour hot hors devours ♥ character shoes ♥ longs sleeves ♥ back stage shenanigans ♥ the word 'lackadaisical' ♥ semicolons; sleeping in until 12 ♥ long hair ♥ cleaning ♥ talking about Glee ♥ going off campus for lunch ♥ rehearsing ♥ temple trips ♥ saying the perfect words ♥ Value Village dresses ♥ quoting Disney ♥ the song Human Again ♥ making valentines with crayons ♥ shows ♥ Valentines Day parties from elementary school ♥ journals ♥ Ticonderoga pencils ♥ BSing AP classes ♥ singing along to movies ♥ elephants ♥ scented stickers ♥ cheesecake ♥ little black rain clouds ♥ thinking about writing songs again ♥ fake glasses ♥ Subway ♥ banshees and fruit ♥ tupperware ♥ coconut water ♥ mindilin monsters ♥ baked goods ♥ best friends who are real best friends ♥ really long acronyms ♥ making fun of Justin Bieber ♥ Valentines Day ♥

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Let me tell you something about PEOPLE LIKE ME.

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it's getting hard to be someone..but it all works out {it doesn't matter much to me.}

I'm not the most outgoing of people. And I'm fine with that. And I don't mind being around people who are more social than I am. But there are some who just being around drains me. It's like I fade into the background and don't matter, and I can't seem to cut into the conversation no matter how hard I try. If you touched me I'd be a two dimensional black outline of myself. As if they need to dominate the situation no matter the circumstance. Typically a red personality. Ironically this brings out the white personality in me, and I just let myself fade. As if they are sucking the color out of me. And it's not just one person, it's a phenomena that occurs with a certain kind of person that I can't even describe the requirements of. Sometimes color suckers are sneaky and passive-aggressive. And sometimes they only start to show signs after time. I would love to say that there are people who exhibit traits of color suckers, but aren't credited the title..just of color sucking every once and a while..but I'm afraid that this is against the nature of one. And they have no idea they're doing it.

I hate writing posts that are this self centered..

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The Color Code

 So one of my favorites books is The Color Code by Taylor Hartman, which I highly recommend to everyone. It's a personality profile and you take a quiz at the beginning to determine your "core color" and "secondary colors". The four different colors represent four different personalities. One's core color is their core personality which they cannot change, the secondary colors are traits {good or bad} from the other colors mixed into the core color. My core color is blue, and my secondaries are white then yellow {the fourth color is red, and I am not red at all}. Lately I've been trying to figure out what has made me who I am, so I thought rereading this book would help with that. As I was reading it this morning came across this paragraph and really liked it.

"Blues see the world through positive and healthy emotional eyes as well. They care deeply for those elements of living that tug at their hearts. Weddings, parades, and birthdays are great cause for celebration, but Blues even see beyond the events and take time to reflect on the lives of those involved. They think of their own weddings and what it means to be in love. They consider all the hours it takes to prepare the costumes and mechanics of a parade as it passes by. Blues wonder how their aging grandmother feels on her seventieth birthday, and are mesmerized by a three-year-old blowing out candles on a cake. They "make" time for sharing the important moments of life."


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