i never knew

just what it was

about this old coffee shop i love so much.

all of the while i never knew..

all of the while it was you.


Falling In Love At a Coffee Shop by Landon Pigg
♥

{like a morse code message was sent from me to me.}

I Was a Kaleidoscope by Death Cab

These are taken a few years ago, but it's snowing like crazy. I just haven't gotten the chance to take pictures yet, which I may do today..well, should do today since its supposed to start raining. I don't like snow because of how it gets in the way and ruins holiday plans, but I like if it I don't have to go outside in it. And it's stellar to take pictures of.


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Salvation in a marketplace.

I was walking through Pike Place this summer, and a man walked past me and handed me this personal Bible and kept walking before I could even say anything. At first I felt a little ambushed by the fact that I hadn't even had time to say 'no thanks' or even think before he kept walking. At first I was a little opposed to the fact that he had handed me a personal bible in the middle of a public place like that. Then I realized that I wasn't. That man cared about my salvation, and just because I already belong to a church doesn't mean that I can't accept his gift. So I keep it with me. Personally I like the King James version the best, which this is not, but I still like it. It reminds me of the kind of things my brother would see on his mission to southern Texas, but that's a bit beside the point. I thought I'd share some of the ones I like.

"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." John 14:6

"Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." Isaiah 1:18

"Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him,..." Revelations 3:20

"Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." 1 Peter 5:7

"...Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all they heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind." Matthew 22:37

 

"Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises." 2 Peter 1:4

It also reminded me of when the two guys come to the high school every year handing out those vividly orange bibles. Most students just dismiss them, or turn them down politely, but I like my little personal Bible. I wouldn't have even thought of keeping it had I had the choice, but I'm glad that I didn't.

♥

{and i was a kaleidoscope.}

"Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself."

 

♥

My Ballerina.

Oh, ballerina, ballerina
In my lovely music box
Turn around and dance for me
Smile and play a song.

Twist and smile and
Dance for me,
Oh, won't you
Ballerina, please?

Dance when I open your coffin
Where you sleep when I need naught,
Play for me a timeless tune
And smile as if it's painted on.

Spin and laugh and play for me
When entertainment is running dry,
Amuse me with your tulle and shoes,
Play for me day and night.

Then rest, held down and ignored
Till a laugh I do require,
Rest in your soft pink tomb
Reined in until I need a smile.

Then, ballerina,
Won't you please?
Do a song and dance
For me?

Won't you turn
On the point of your shoe
And play for me
That timeless tune?

Then, oh, my ballerina!
Won't you spin,
Faster for me?
Spin till you are dizzy.

Turn, my ballerina!
Turn for me
In your box of tulle
And pink.

Oh, don't slow down, ballerina,
You mustn't slow,
For you've only barely
Begun the show.

Then twist, my ballerina!
Twist with your soul
For when you fail
We all shall know.

My ballerina,
What is this?
Is this perhaps
Some paint that's chipped?

That smile, my ballerina!
It falls to pieces
Littering the clean edges
Of your prison.

Your face, my ballerina!
The paint is gone,
Your cheeks, and eyes
And lips are wrong!

Your face is blank
and your soul is collapsed,
And my ballerina, look!
Your song has elapsed.

Oh, ballerina, ballerina
In my lovely music box
You won't turn around or dance for me,
You can't smile or play a song.

So I close you now, my ballerina
To rot in your pink tulle coffin
Though a shadow crosses as I close the lid
That deepens where your smile would have been.



♥

like spelling tuesday.

Winnie the Pooh.

because sometimes
it simply
doesn't
count.

♥

{that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds}

What Sarah Said by Death Cab

♥

{the postal service}

♥

Scar Tissue by The Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Dear Kaylyn, 

          We don't let very many people see us. But they don't know that. They applaud us for seeming as if we don't let anything get to us. But it does. All of it. And it stings like standing in the middle of a rain storm without a jacket. If only it could actually sting instead of sitting there rotting..waiting to hurt. But when it doesn't guilt says that it should. 

          We can't let them see we bruise, but why? Why must everything be stifled? You say these words and act so nonchalant and I'm behind every one of them asking why you're even saying them at all. Because you don't mean a single syllable that comes from them. I know you can hear me, even above the monsters that whisper obscene things to you. That's all they are; monsters. They crawl around in your rib cage and try to convince you that they are you, but they are not. I am. We are you. 

          You let yourself hurt. You know that; you know the things you do that hurt. Maybe you know how not to be this way..maybe you just get off track. Everything used to be good. You learned how to be happy, but something happened. It was all we ever wanted. If we could only be happy then everything would change. Somehow, for some reason, being happy wasn't enough. There needed to be more still. We don't know what. Being happy was so..lonely. 
    What are we supposed to learn from this? Why are they supposed to be in our life? We knew the sweetest peace that could come to any..how was it that that was destroyed?

           Maybe sharing secrets is a mistake. But maybe it's not. It's a little too late now.. What does Heavenly Father want us to do from this? 

          Those voices that tell us we aren't good enough don't come from the places that we think, they come from the monsters. We hear 'be a good example' and they say 'you're failing'.

          Maybe sharing secrets isn't such a bad thing...is it so wrong to want someone, anyone to be able to see? To understand... Yes, there are other people we could tell, but we don't want them to think about us differently. I just.. I don't know.. They aren't the right people to know.. Is it our fault if we're using someone else's 'person'?

          We look around and everyone else seems to be pulling it off. You ask us, 'then why can't you?' {with a little added embellished language from the monsters}. Why can't we just be satisfied with the way things are and be perfect already? Hasn't there been enough proof of our worthiness? The people we look at haven't see as much as we have, but is that really so much of an excuse to keep 'failing'? 

          "They will learn to love you for what you are." Those are among the most comforting words I have ever known. If not the most comforting; they are meant solely for me. Spoken through my grandfather from my Heavenly Father and Brother. "What I am", not who, but what. I may not know who I am anymore..I did once..but I know exactly what I am. I am a daughter, and a sister, and I have worth. Endless, infinite worth. They are proud of me already. 

          "They" will love me for everything that is me. Not just because I'm creative, or silly, or make the best ice cream sundaes ever, or any of the other worldly things that I honestly do not care or want people to love me for. My worth is not in those objects. I am so much more than that. I am faithful, and strong. I can stand up for what I believe in, and resist the stupidities that are thrown at me everyday. I can make it through mighty winds, yea shafts in the whirlwinds. I can make it through hail, and mighty storms that beat upon me. And it shall have no power over me to drag me down to the gulf of misery and endless woe. Because of the rock upon which I have built myself upon {Helaman 5:12}.  

          I can see worth in other people, and I can help them. I have seen it happen, and it baffles me a little bit; that I can use all of the terrible experiences of my life to help other people. I can inspire them. I would have never thought that someone as grotesquely imperfect as I could inspire someone. But how could I not yearn for her to taste of the exceeding joy of which I did taste; that she might also be born of God, and be filled with the Holy Ghost {Alma 36:24}? How could I possibly forgive myself of that; of keeping that from someone?

          Do not listen to those monsters in your head. It does not matter what they say at all. They tell us, 'you fail', 'you are not worth anything', 'you cannot even successfully live', 'you make your own life hell', 'stop screwing everything up'. It doesn't matter how many people tell us that; whether they be real, or monster, because it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength {Mosiah 4:27}. Do not worry if man thinks you are perfect, or of worth. Heavenly Father and Christ already know you are. You are worth It. He is glad to have died for a sister like you.

Love,

Kaylyn

♥

well, I heard there was a secret chord..

♥

this structure fell about our feet, and we were free to go.

Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect by The Decemberists

♥

even if things end up a bit too heavy.

Float On by Modest Mouse


♥

Note to self:

Hey Jude by The Beatles

Dear Kaylyn,
Take this sad song and make it better.


♥

{images of broken light; which dance before me like a million eyes}

top five favorite Beatles' songs; 
Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
Yesterday
Across The Universe
Let It Be
Strawberry Fields Forever

Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting thorough my open mind
Possessing and caressing me

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world

Images of broken light which
dance before me like a million eyes
That call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a
restless wind inside a letter box
they tumble blindly as
they make their way across the universe

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world


Sounds of laughter shades of life
are ringing through my open ears
exciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which
shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world

{i'll make it to the moon if i have to crawl}

Scar Tissue by Red Hot Chilli Peppers

 

♥

monsters..

Happy 101st post, and happy much love monday:)

loving: being alone ♥ my best friends ♥ indian food ♥ study parties that turn into regular old parties ♥ sharing secrets ♥ simplifying ♥ best friend chocolate ♥ sick days ♥ being able to hide the monsters ♥ missing tests that I'm not ready for when I'm sick ♥ coincidentally matching cardigans ♥ staying in pajamas all day ♥ tea ♥ indie ♥ vh1's best songs of the 90s alll dayy longg ♥ when it rains really hard ♥ not eating a ton of halloween candy ♥ having an incredibly mellow weekend ♥ adding a ton of new songs to my playlist ♥ pretending that I don't have algebra and ap us history that I need to do ♥ not caring anymore ♥



♥