I look at the world..

and I notice it's turning,
while my guitar gently weeps.

With every mistake we must surely be learning.. 

 

While My Guitar Gently Weeps by The Beatles

♥

when you try your best, but you don't succeed.

{bokeh branch}

{aquatic}

{dawn}

{white shadow}

 {chainlink}

{reflection}

{shards}

{contrast}

{glint}

{flight}

{vanishing point}

{red ice}

These are photos I took in photographics class and edited on Photoshop for a project. I also had to name them I thought I'd include those names even though I usually don't.


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if i could open my arms.

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missing: summer

happy much love monday:)

loving: looking at my pictures from summer ♥  short  bangs ♥ Seattle adventures ♥ blogging friends ♥ my new camera ♥ anticipating adventures ♥ mutual dislikes of annoying people ♥ feeling like a secret club ♥ dreams about Joseph Gordon-Levitt loving me:) ♥ my brother acknowledging the premonition I had of him marrying Zooey Deschanel ♥ massive books of Fox Trot comics ♥ the possibilities in a blank sketchbook ♥ Marc Johns shirts ♥ sweaters inherited from my brother ♥ horcruxes ♥ thinking about old friends ♥ rereading my favorite books ♥ giving the perfect gift ♥ playing with my food ♥ leftovers ♥ having a whole slew of new movies ♥ the fourth season of Boy Meets World ♥ making snowflakes out of old Seventeen magazine pages with my brother ♥ elfing my house with said snowflakes ♥ pineapple chap stick ♥ peach chap stick gifts ♥ getting a letter from a new missionary ♥ writing a new missionary a letter ♥ plaid paper ties ♥ ignoring homework assigned over the break ♥ reading a book about cake that turns out to be the trippiest book I've ever read ♥ Narrow Stairs ♥

♥

Note to self:

♥

{Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.}

When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written 'He dies.' That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is 'He dies.' It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with 'He dies.' And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words 'He dies.' but because of the life we saw prior to the words.

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

{where they are.}

♥

{i'll eat you up, i love you so}

There were some buildings... There were these really tall buildings, and they could walk. Then there were some vampires. And one of the vampires bit the tallest building, and his fangs broke off. Then all his other teeth fell out. Then he started crying. And then, all the other vampires said, "Why are you crying? Weren't those just your baby teeth?" And he said, "No. Those were my grown-up teeth." And the vampires knew he couldn't be a vampire anymore, so they left him. The end.
Where the Wild Things Are

closing walls and ticking clocks.

♥

{like a morse code message was sent from me to me.}

I Was a Kaleidoscope by Death Cab

These are taken a few years ago, but it's snowing like crazy. I just haven't gotten the chance to take pictures yet, which I may do today..well, should do today since its supposed to start raining. I don't like snow because of how it gets in the way and ruins holiday plans, but I like if it I don't have to go outside in it. And it's stellar to take pictures of.


♥

Scar Tissue by The Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Dear Kaylyn, 

          We don't let very many people see us. But they don't know that. They applaud us for seeming as if we don't let anything get to us. But it does. All of it. And it stings like standing in the middle of a rain storm without a jacket. If only it could actually sting instead of sitting there rotting..waiting to hurt. But when it doesn't guilt says that it should. 

          We can't let them see we bruise, but why? Why must everything be stifled? You say these words and act so nonchalant and I'm behind every one of them asking why you're even saying them at all. Because you don't mean a single syllable that comes from them. I know you can hear me, even above the monsters that whisper obscene things to you. That's all they are; monsters. They crawl around in your rib cage and try to convince you that they are you, but they are not. I am. We are you. 

          You let yourself hurt. You know that; you know the things you do that hurt. Maybe you know how not to be this way..maybe you just get off track. Everything used to be good. You learned how to be happy, but something happened. It was all we ever wanted. If we could only be happy then everything would change. Somehow, for some reason, being happy wasn't enough. There needed to be more still. We don't know what. Being happy was so..lonely. 
    What are we supposed to learn from this? Why are they supposed to be in our life? We knew the sweetest peace that could come to any..how was it that that was destroyed?

           Maybe sharing secrets is a mistake. But maybe it's not. It's a little too late now.. What does Heavenly Father want us to do from this? 

          Those voices that tell us we aren't good enough don't come from the places that we think, they come from the monsters. We hear 'be a good example' and they say 'you're failing'.

          Maybe sharing secrets isn't such a bad thing...is it so wrong to want someone, anyone to be able to see? To understand... Yes, there are other people we could tell, but we don't want them to think about us differently. I just.. I don't know.. They aren't the right people to know.. Is it our fault if we're using someone else's 'person'?

          We look around and everyone else seems to be pulling it off. You ask us, 'then why can't you?' {with a little added embellished language from the monsters}. Why can't we just be satisfied with the way things are and be perfect already? Hasn't there been enough proof of our worthiness? The people we look at haven't see as much as we have, but is that really so much of an excuse to keep 'failing'? 

          "They will learn to love you for what you are." Those are among the most comforting words I have ever known. If not the most comforting; they are meant solely for me. Spoken through my grandfather from my Heavenly Father and Brother. "What I am", not who, but what. I may not know who I am anymore..I did once..but I know exactly what I am. I am a daughter, and a sister, and I have worth. Endless, infinite worth. They are proud of me already. 

          "They" will love me for everything that is me. Not just because I'm creative, or silly, or make the best ice cream sundaes ever, or any of the other worldly things that I honestly do not care or want people to love me for. My worth is not in those objects. I am so much more than that. I am faithful, and strong. I can stand up for what I believe in, and resist the stupidities that are thrown at me everyday. I can make it through mighty winds, yea shafts in the whirlwinds. I can make it through hail, and mighty storms that beat upon me. And it shall have no power over me to drag me down to the gulf of misery and endless woe. Because of the rock upon which I have built myself upon {Helaman 5:12}.  

          I can see worth in other people, and I can help them. I have seen it happen, and it baffles me a little bit; that I can use all of the terrible experiences of my life to help other people. I can inspire them. I would have never thought that someone as grotesquely imperfect as I could inspire someone. But how could I not yearn for her to taste of the exceeding joy of which I did taste; that she might also be born of God, and be filled with the Holy Ghost {Alma 36:24}? How could I possibly forgive myself of that; of keeping that from someone?

          Do not listen to those monsters in your head. It does not matter what they say at all. They tell us, 'you fail', 'you are not worth anything', 'you cannot even successfully live', 'you make your own life hell', 'stop screwing everything up'. It doesn't matter how many people tell us that; whether they be real, or monster, because it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength {Mosiah 4:27}. Do not worry if man thinks you are perfect, or of worth. Heavenly Father and Christ already know you are. You are worth It. He is glad to have died for a sister like you.

Love,

Kaylyn

♥

this structure fell about our feet, and we were free to go.

Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect by The Decemberists

♥

even if things end up a bit too heavy.

Float On by Modest Mouse


♥

{i'll make it to the moon if i have to crawl}

Scar Tissue by Red Hot Chilli Peppers

 

♥

Won't you tell me your name?

Hello, I Love You by The Doors


♥

dancing well over the line of too silly.

I think that New Years resolutions are silly. Not really the concept, but what it has become. I don't think we should only be setting goals and be trying to improve ourselves and our lives at one time of the year. I think we should be doing that all the time. So the tradition of 'Oh, time to set that goal to lose weight again' holds no meaning if you're not trying to improve all the rest of the year. Especially when most people give up or forget about their resolutions a very short amount of time after making them. Are we really so focused on living that we forget to live?

So I'm making some resolutions. Because things in my life have gotten way too silly, and I cannot handle it this way.

I resolve to: not over analyze everything; not just watch myself getting hurt and tolerate it; not let things get so silly; 'smile'; not worry about drama things that don't matter; not blame myself for everything wrong in my life; live in the moment and not worry about things I can't control; don't throw my problems onto other people, even if that means stifling everything; not throw myself into something if my heart's not into it; remember that everything is not my fault; not let the monsters under my skin win {in the long run}; not torture myself with love songs and chick flicks; never let them see I bruise;





♥
...
♥

when everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.

it seems like years since it's been here.

Here Comes The Sun by The Beatles


♥ ♥

maps..

Maps by The Yeah Yeah Yeahs


♥ ♥

you keep tearing out the sutures.

 

Nothing Better by The Postal Service

Dear you,

I'm sorry, but you are much too silly.

It is getting a little ridiculous.

Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures.

And you're driving me crazy.

Because I don't feel like disappointing everyone anymore.

And you leave me with too much to live up to.

It's not healthy being in the business of hating people.

You're hurting more people than you realize.

♥ ♥