{window pane}

{I am scared of my potential and success. Like I am standing a few steps away from know everything I need to about myself and where I am going and they are standing behind me pushing and I'm leaning back and struggling trying my hardest to not let my feet slip any further on the brick floor. Like once I see what it is then..I don't even know. Then I'll have to commit I guess. And decide, and make decisions, and move forward with my life. My Life. Decide what My Life is going to be. Up until now the choices and things that I did never matter to who I would become and where my life was going and what I would do with it. It's almost like sinning before a baptism mindlessly because you know it won't matter after they're all washed away. Then it's scary to think, wow, now I'm going to responsible for all of those choice and they will be everlasting and mold my path. This analogy is a little strange, though, because the sins don't represent actual sins in my life. Just events or choices. That I have been making thinking about the present. If I step over the line in the brick then I have to think about the future. And worry. And depend on the decisions that I make. And I'm scared of the failures of that, but mostly the successes. I could be big. I could make it really far, but I am scared pantsless at that idea. I would have no clue what I was doing. I'd just have to forge for my own and go by trial and error. I'd be pretty much alone, although I would have the support of my friends and family it's different. I have to decide for myself. I think this all comes down to the fact that I hate making decisions. }



♥